How to Care for an Older Loved One With No Immediate Family Nearby

Worrying about aging family members is the reality for many adult children, whether their loved ones live alone or with a spouse whose health or memory is failing; however, it’s especially hard when you live far away. You know Dad’s getting to an age where he cannot be entirely independent. What happens when you or your siblings are not around to drop in on him?

With families more spread out than ever, long-distance caregiving has become the norm for many. The upside? Technology and other community-based services, tools, and resources make it possible to create a network of care for an elderly loved one in a different city or state. Here are some ways to care for your aging loved one when you don’t live locally.

Use Video Chat to Communicate

If you’re not doing it already, encourage your loved one to use video chat technology like Zoom, Skype or FaceTime to keep in touch. When you can’t drop by in person, plan a video call with your father — an excellent way to find out how he’s doing. Maybe Dad looks content and healthy but sounds sad on the phone because he misses you. On the other hand, he may sound cheery on the phone — trying to put your mind at ease — but when you see his face in real time, you see how your mother’s passing is wearing on him. As you check in more regularly this way, take notes and keep track of subtle hints he may need more help or signs that he is lonely and may need some friendly visitors.

Make a Family & Friend Visit Schedule

Social isolation is one of the biggest pitfalls of growing older at home. For many aging couples, even caregiving can result in isolation, despite not being alone. As your Mom cares for your father through a dementia diagnosis, both can suffer socially. She may start to feel internally isolated as the man she’s loved for decades starts changing. The relationship becomes less of a partnership and more of stewardship.

It is also harder to stay connected to friends; seniors may receive fewer visitors while getting out into the community less frequently.

Friendly visitors — relatives, good friends, neighbors or even volunteers from a local community organization – can provide the companionship a lonely loved one needs. Try to keep a calendar of who is coming and when so that visitors honor their commitments and do not randomly show up unannounced. Don’t have any cousins or relatives to call? Contact your parent’s local Area Agency on Aging to learn about organizations that provide these types of visits.

Automate Bills & Pills

The advent of secure online banking, and prescription delivery services, means you don’t always have to sit at Mom’s desk to help renew her prescriptions or pay her bills. It may be helpful to get everything set up in person first when you are in town (maybe even visiting Mom’s local bank branch and pharmacy to touch base) but then automate as much as possible so you can manage it when you return home.

It’s important not to gloss over this vital part of senior care. Our elderly loved ones – especially those facing declining mental faculties – can and will forget about things like medication and bills. Save your parent time and lots of money in charges by ensuring their obligations are automated. For prescriptions, consider professional help as prescription management will aid your loved one and possibly avoid costly hospital admission.

Shop & Ship Online

If Dad needs an abundant supply of incontinence products and he has trouble getting to the grocery store, Amazon Prime and grocery delivery services through significant stores like Target, Instacart or Peapod can step in when you are not around. Some of these online shopping options offer discounts on repeat items, so if you know Dad needs adult diapers every two months, you may be able to save some money by setting up recurring orders.

Foster Community Engagement Opportunities

Set up Uber transportation or a city transit ride so Mom can go to the library or her favorite hairdresser once a month. Reach out to your parents’ community center, if possible, to find out what support services they might offer for older adults who don’t have family in the area. If your Dad still drives, research local volunteer opportunities that may help him get out of the house for a bit and stay socially connected.

You may not imagine it a necessity, but know that your parent may not know how to become socially involved with others, despite feeling lonely. Aging can take a toll on our loved ones, and they may feel increasingly less motivated to leave the house. That’s when your encouragement is helpful.

Add a Professional Caregiver to the Team

Distance does make things a little more complicated when your parents are aging as it is not always realistic for you to move closer to them or to uproot them and bring them to your home territory. There are ways to foster their independence and success at home. Once you’ve built a care network through the avenues described above, you may also want to consider a professional caregiver from a trusted home care provider.

What can a professional caregiver do to help? There is a wide range of non-medical home care services available, from meal prep and laundry, to help with light housework, to medical appointment transportation and more — some partner with a professional caregiver solely for the companionship benefits. Moreover, you can still organize and coordinate this care, even if you don’t live locally.

A professional home caregiver can be your eyes and ears on Dad, or the extra hands Mom needs around the house. To learn more, visit visitingangels.com/newton.

About Visiting Angels Newton/Canton

Visiting Angels Newton/Canton senior home care agency provides quality in-home care services to seniors and people with disabilities. Countless families have benefited from our dementia home care, Alzheimer’s care, companion care, respite support, transitional aid, and elder home care services in Wellesley, Natick, Newton, Needham, Brookline, Chestnut Hill, Canton, Westwood, Dedham, Watertown, Stoughton, Roslindale, Norwood, and nearby towns. The services provided by Visiting Angels Newton/Canton will be sure to make a positive impact on your loved one’s happiness and quality of life. Call us today at 617-795-2727 for more information.